Cancer! Really? Me?

The local family and a few friends gathered last evening to unveil Mike’s Monument.  We had a picnic dinner and toasted to Mike with margaritas, his favorite drink.

The Monument is a powerful presence sitting tall in the grotto, near the top of the hill.  I’m wondering if seeing his name set in stone will help me feel the reality of his death.  Every single morning I continue to wake up wondering if I have been in a dream?  Can Mike really have died?

Creating the monument was a long involved process.  Lisa Ponder, a local stone carver, guided me every step of the way.  She advised that the size, shape and color of the stone can say a lot, sometimes more than words.  Our goal was to create a monument where strangers passing by would see and feel the unique, bold, playful and adventurous spirit Mike was.  More importantly, I was counseled to have the monument speak to everyone who knew Mike and, it should speak the loudest to me.  I hope I have achieved this for all of you.  I certainly have for myself.

I plan on keeping this blog site online for another half year or so.  However, this may be the final post.  As Mike often signed his letters:  May all your winds be gentle tailwinds and all your hills be gentle downhills.  He often told me in Spanish he will always be with me, forever: Para Siempre.

Much love!
Laurie

Thank you David Simone for these beautiful photos!

How can it be 6 months since Mike passed last August?  We finished out the summer months and went through the autumn.  Here we are half a year later as the winter months are waning.  Daffodils, snowdrops, quinces, crocuses and daphne are all beginning to bloom.  It’s the yearly reminder of new life that comes with each spring.

Mike had told me he didn’t want to die in the winter.  He wanted to die when life was still easy.  When we all wore shorts and flip flops.  When you can hop your bike and not have to think of keeping yourself warm and dry.

About two months ago a kitten found me.  He arrived at my doorstep starving, scared and filthy.  He quickly stole my heart.  However it was the ‘M’ on his forehead that really took my breath away.  Love at first sight!

 

The video of Mike’s Celebration of Life is up and accessible at the link below.

https://photos.app.goo.gl/rtowxHpdoKrFz9sK2

 

Turns out YouTube shut down the video of Mike’s Celebration of Life because of copyright issues.  Portions of two of Mike’s favorite cycling songs, Bob Seeger’s Against the Wind and Jackson Browne’s Running on Empty were used.  I naively didn’t think of that!

Meanwhile I will try to figure something else out.

 

 

 

Below is a link to the YouTube video of Mike’s Celebration.  Those of you who couldn’t join us can now experience this heartfelt and festive event.  For those of us that were there, we now get to replay it and listen again to the stories that were shared about how amazing Mike was!  A little bit of Mike lives on in everyone he touched.

A big thank you to Eric Schiff (Cal Young Middle School Media Class Teacher) and Livi Gallagher (Media Class Student) for recording and publishing this video.  As Mike would say “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”  (repeat everything three times, especially when talking to middle school kids)

https://youtu.be/md4MjnTX20M

Much love to all of you,
Laurie

Sunday, Sept 24

Mike’s ashes are buried in the Masonic Cemetery.  This cemetery is a peaceful sanctuary located very close to our house.  His plot is northwest of the top of the hill under a large Douglas fir tree.  Shrubs and small trees surround the area creating an arch of vegetation with a bench on either side.  I am grateful to have such a perfect place so close to home where I can sit and think of Mike on a daily basis.  I hope you can visit the site, sit on one of the benches and take it all in.

The day following the Celebration of Life, our immediate family met at our house.  We walked up to the cemetery carrying the urn and flowers.  it was a sweet, intimate graveside gathering with a lot more tears than the Celebration and still plenty of smiles and laughter.

I continue to feel blessed and grateful to be surrounded by so many friends and family during what I believe to be the hardest time of my life.  Thank you all for being there for me!

Wednesday, Sept 20

Thank you all for attending Mike’s Celebration of Life.  For those of you who couldn’t make it we know you were there in spirit.  Approximately 200 people gathered near the Willamette River to honor Mike and remember him in style and grace, just as he lived his last 16 months of life.

It started out as a smokey day.  We began the Celebration by playing one of Mike’s favorite cycling songs, Bob Seeger’s Against the Wind.  The winds continued to pick up and all the smoke blew away.  Thanks Mike!  Mike would also be pleased to know half the people arrived by bicycle.  The parking lot was empty!

Thanks to Eric for videotaping and David for photographing still shots.  Eric’s middle school media class is working on an edited video of the ceremony.  I am hoping to set up a link through this blog site.

 

 

 

 

A Couple of Details:

Secure valet bicycle parking will be provided by CAT (Center for Appropriate Transportation).  Mike supported CAT and often encouraged students to check them out.  If parking a bicycle, please consider tipping the valet person.

About 5 weeks before Mike passed he thoroughly enjoyed many slices of PizzAldo’s wood fired pizzas.  What better way to toast Mike than to have a slice of a pie!  Aldo and Pam will be there with their wood fired oven on wheels.
Salad options will also be available.

 

Posted on Wednesday, August 30, Eugene Register Guard Newspaper:

Michael J. Heil was born on June 23, 1956 to Carmen and Jack Heil.  He passed away on August 8, 2017. Growing up in Old Bridge, New Jersey he was the oldest of seven children. Under Mike’s influence the Heil clan was raised with a strong and loving family bond. This unique quality continues into the next generation, with each and every spouse, nephew and niece.

In 1980 Mike explored the west coast and moved to Eugene, Oregon with his bicycle and a couple of panniers. Eugene was home base for the rest of his life. Mike followed his adventurous spirit by bicycling around the world, skiing, mountain climbing and his most cherished activity rock climbing. “It feels like a vertical dance on rock.”

Mike met his soul mate Lana Spencer in 1981. They spent ten happy years together with Lana’s children Tanya Washburn and Steven Spencer-Steigner. In 2000 he met Laurie Bernstein and shared the rest of his life with her. Laurie and Mike had a deep love that touched and inspired many around them.

Mike explored a couple of careers until he found his passion, being a Eugene 4J math and PE teacher at Kelly and Cal Young Middle Schools. He had an uncanny and rare ability to instill confidence in kids who never knew they could do math and actually like it. He retired in 2014. Mike’s gifts extended beyond teaching, people felt special around him. During conversations he would listen with focused attention and reply with such enthusiasm that you couldn’t help but feel like you were the most important person in the world to him.

He was often seen with a twinkle in his eyes and a big infectious smile. He inspired people and led by example how to live life to the fullest extent.

Preferring not to refer to his metastatic prostate cancer as a battle, it was his “newest journey,” his last dance if you will; only this time he was not in the lead. He is survived by the love of his life, his wife Laurie Bernstein, and his loving family and friends (too numerous to list).

We will gather for a Celebration of Mike’s Life on September 15, from 1-6pm at Alton Baker Park (Shelter 2) in Eugene, Oregon. In honor of Mike’s chosen lifestyle, please consider riding a bicycle to this event.

Thursday, Aug 24

This is a picture of Mike on his last climb.  It was taken on July 8th while we were in Squamish, BC with our nephew Ryan and his girlfriend Charlotte.  Later that night Mike woke up in such pain we left BC at 2am and drove straight to the Bellingham Emergency Room.

Mike often tried to pinpoint exactly when was the “beginning of the end”.  After the first biopsy indicating aggressive prostate cancer?  After realizing the hormone therapy wasn’t working?  After hearing Dr. Beer had no more treatments?  After flying back from the second opinion in Boston with no options?  I would say it was a few hours after this climb.

Then I realized yesterday he passed on August 8th at 9:15pm, one month after his last day of climbing and exactly one month from the beginning of the end.

Wednesday, Aug 23

Mike may not have physically been with his climbing partners, but his presence was………..

A Mount Shuksan Tribute from Chris and Linda

Alan on the top of Forbidden Peak with his ‘Mikey Would Go’ sticker.

Could this be a trend?  Send me photos of you with your ‘Mikey Would Go’ sticker!

Sunday, August 20

Please continue to watch this blog site for new posts.  Laurie will be sharing more entries.

Meanwhile, the celebration details:

Monday, Aug 14

On July 26 Mike posted a blog “Where have you been?” Pam Smith wrote a comment about Eddie Aikau, an Hawaiian hero who saved many lives,  became a world class surfer and a legend.  After Eddie’s death a cult-like following occurred coining the phrase “Eddie Would Go.”  Pam, who grew up in Hawaii suddenly felt that Mike was her Eddie!  She has been printing the attached photo on sticky back paper and we have been passing the stickers out.  Please feel free to print some too!

The picture on the photo is from our ski trip to Crater Lake this past February.  Mikey would go…. he pursued his adventures as long as he could.

I can send the jpg to you directly if you have trouble getting it off the website.

Love,
Laurie

 

Friday, Aug 11

Our (it’s too difficult just yet for me to say my) front porch has been covered with flowers.  Cards, emails, phone calls continue to flow in.  Nancy and Corinne remain at my side.

Thank you all!  I feel loved and supported, and that’s what I need right now.

Mike’s Memorial, Celebration for Life, Time for all of us to gather will be Friday September 15.  Details will be posted on this blog site.

Sending out love to you all,
Laurie

 

Wednesday, Aug 9

I am incredibly saddened to tell you our AMAZING Mike has passed on. As with all things Mike, he did not follow the “normal” route.  The beginning of the end started on July 6^th with the oncologist in Boston telling us “your disease progressed in 16 months towhat most men can go through over 10 years.” Two days after hearing that news Mike leads a few climbs in Squamish. He’s exhausted and in pain, but determined to climb knowing it was the last time he will be dancing up a rock wall. That full moon night we find ourselves driving to the emergency room in Bellingham, WA where we hear the grim prognosis….”you have weeks to live.”

We come home for him to say his last goodbyes. He continues to amaze the hospice staff by bicycling to acupuncture appointments and walking up steep hills for several miles. He is getting weaker and weaker and yet last Thursday he cycled to his appointment, when most people in his condition would be bedridden by then.

Yesterday morning Mike woke up after sleeping a solid 17 hours.  The hospice nurse arrived and he surprised her by sitting straight up in bed. He managed to walk into the living room, where he sat in his favorite red chair prepared to take his morning medication. The dose had recently increased to 2 pills of morphine. I wanted to make sure he was getting it right so I asked him if he had 2 pills in his hand. He proceeds to put his hands together, rolls the pills around, and in a abracadabra move he opens both hands with a pill in each palm. We still had our Mikey and expected we would for several more days. However, a mere eleven hours later Mike took his last breath.

Through a series of synchronicities and divine right order our dear friend Nancy (driving from Orcas Island to help us during the dying process) arrived at our house an hour earlier.  The on call hospice nurse was swamped and out on a call an hour awqy. It was a full moon, just like the Bellingham ER, one month earlier. We heard the same response “it’s a full moon, everything’s crazy tonight.” Miraculously our daily hospice nurse Sarah answered her phone while out to dinner. (Everything people say about hospice is true! They are amazing!) Sarah came over while her kids sat in the car, got us settled, drove the kids home and then came back to help. Having Nancy for support and Sarah with her knowledge was invaluable. Once again I couldn’t help feeling blessed and in extreme gratitude during such an emotionally heart wrenching experience.

It was a quick and peaceful passing. Sarah said the most peaceful she’s ever seen.

A few days after Mike’s last blog post he started to lose some cognitive abilities. His liver was failing and not properly flushing toxins from his body. It was affecting his ability to read and write. Everyday he talked about trying to write another blog post but he couldn’t. This is what he drafted:

The Beginning of my end

Wednesday, July 31

With severe reservations I dare say I am entering the beginning of my end.

For the past 4 days I have wrestled with the question as to whether my time has come to simply move on. I continuously sleep as my body withers away helplessly refuses food at every turn. Additionally, it is quite difficult for me to………….

Please watch the blog for information about a Celebration of Life sometime in September.  Date and location will be announced soon.

All my love,  Laurie