Wednesday, Aug 9
I am incredibly saddened to tell you our AMAZING Mike has passed on. As with all things Mike, he did not follow the “normal” route. The beginning of the end started on July 6th with the oncologist in Boston telling us “your disease progressed in 16 months towhat most men can go through over 10 years.” Two days after hearing that news Mike leads a few climbs in Squamish. He’s exhausted and in pain, but determined to climb knowing it was the last time he will be dancing up a rock wall. That full moon night we find ourselves driving to the emergency room in Bellingham, WA where we hear the grim prognosis….”you have weeks to live.”
We come home for him to say his last goodbyes. He continues to amaze the hospice staff by bicycling to acupuncture appointments and walking up steep hills for several miles. He is getting weaker and weaker and yet last Thursday he cycled to his appointment, when most people in his condition would be bedridden by then.
Yesterday morning Mike woke up after sleeping a solid 17 hours. The hospice nurse arrived and he surprised her by sitting straight up in bed. He managed to walk into the living room, where he sat in his favorite red chair prepared to take his morning medication. The dose had recently increased to 2 pills of morphine. I wanted to make sure he was getting it right so I asked him if he had 2 pills in his hand. He proceeds to put his hands together, rolls the pills around, and in a abracadabra move he opens both hands with a pill in each palm. We still had our Mikey and expected we would for several more days. However, a mere eleven hours later Mike took his last breath.
Through a series of synchronicities and divine right order our dear friend Nancy (driving from Orcas Island to help us during the dying process) arrived at our house an hour earlier. The on call hospice nurse was swamped and out on a call an hour awqy. It was a full moon, just like the Bellingham ER, one month earlier. We heard the same response “it’s a full moon, everything’s crazy tonight.” Miraculously our daily hospice nurse Sarah answered her phone while out to dinner. (Everything people say about hospice is true! They are amazing!) Sarah came over while her kids sat in the car, got us settled, drove the kids home and then came back to help. Having Nancy for support and Sarah with her knowledge was invaluable. Once again I couldn’t help feeling blessed and in extreme gratitude during such an emotionally heart wrenching experience.
It was a quick and peaceful passing. Sarah said the most peaceful she’s ever seen.
A few days after Mike’s last blog post he started to lose some cognitive abilities. His liver was failing and not properly flushing toxins from his body. It was affecting his ability to read and write. Everyday he talked about trying to write another blog post but he couldn’t. This is what he drafted:
The Beginning of my end
Wednesday, July 31
With severe reservations I dare say I am entering the beginning of my end.
For the past 4 days I have wrestled with the question as to whether my time has come to simply move on. I continuously sleep as my body withers away helplessly refuses food at every turn. Additionally, it is quite difficult for me to………….
Please watch the blog for information about a Celebration of Life sometime in September. Date and location will be announced soon.
All my love, Laurie
Laurie what a beautiful post. The world isn’t the same without Mike yet all the love and light he left in our hearts will keep his light going. I know I’m in a very big community of people who are sending you a lot of love. All my love to you.
Oh Laurie, Thank you for letting us know. Thank you for sharing Mike’s “Beginning of my end”. I am so deeply sorry for the loss of Mike. We are here for you. I love you Laurie. I love you Mike.
“Pull, pull, pull” up, away then free! You have left what we know of as life, and started an entire new journey of your own. I know you will be ever present in the breeze that comes from no where, the chill that travel up one’s spine and the wonder of enchantment when the eagle swoops over head. You will slip into dreams sharing a moment of adventure as we sleep and you will ALWAYS be here in spirit, thought and the special place you’ve carved deeply within our hearts. I will truly miss you and be always grateful for your last words of kindness as you slowly slipped away. With much love and appreciation……and Laurie, thank you for all that you’ve shared with me during this difficult time.
Laurie–
I am so sorry and deeply saddened. I’ve had time to prepare for this, but it still seems so unreal that Mr. “I gotcha covered” is not covering anymore. I admire your’s and Mike’s strength through this process and the manner in which you both made it a deep and enriching experience. Of course if there is anything you need from me, let me know. My deepest condolences.
Love;
Joseph
Laurie,
With our deepest sympathy and condolences…may Mike’s Spirit live on forever…
Sincerely,
Bill Houghton
Dear Laurie,
All my love to you and family and dear friends….
Such a hole in my heart that I am left to witness and be present for. I keep reading and rereading your post and Mike’s last post… allowing the truth of it to sink in.
I can only imagine the breadth and depth of emotions you must be experiencing.
Thank you (and I know there are others) for holding space for Mikey all this time… a task more challenging than all the steep hills you climbed together.
And still the road is steep. Thankfully, the power of love is an amazing gift.
My father, shortly before he passed away, said, “When you feel those tears inside, that’s when the person is closest to you.”
In time, may you find peace and ease and joy.
If I can be of help in any way, don’t hesitate to ask.
Warm embrace,
Julia
#CFD – Carpé Fuckin’ Diem!
Mikey, Though we’ve met but a few times, your smile, strength and joy is embedded in me forever. Your families bond to one another has given hope to life. Your embrace of adventure inspires us to seek more. May your new journey fulfill your wildest expectations. Climb high.
Our hearts are with all who knew and loved Mikey. Bless you all… Michelle n Terry
Post Script: Bravo brother. You’ve successfully completed another journey. One of many we’ve shared, albeit not by choice and way different from all the rest. This last excursion consumed all your Courage, Wisdom and Perseverance. But oddly enough along the way you grew in Grace and Humility, found immeasurable Joy and Encouragement in the countless individuals who converged around you the last 18 months. These past and present faces/relationships ran, walked and crawled in lock step as you navigated this uncharted terrain of one’s own mortality. This fed you. With No map to follow, but in possession of a solid moral compass and a profound zest for life which would not quit you propelled forward. You stayed on route and finely manage the crux…. Well done! I think? I Hope????
So as this surreal state of these past few days begins to settle back into reality, I can’t help but to look backyards. In my “Rear View Mirror of Life”‘ I can see some of the seeds you left behind. My hope is that they do settle on fertile ground, with their DNA intact take root and thru attentive nurturing yield myself and others the joyful depths of what a full life can bring.
I want to leave you with this, poem I encountered in college. It’s brevity speaks of my poetry knowledge:
Nature’s first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf’s a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
So let us not wait too long.
You’ll be missed Bro. Til we meet again…. RJKPH
Brings me to tears Rich. I’m so deeply moved by your brother’s life and passing and the responses this blog reflects. Thank you for sharing such intimacy.
Dear Laurie and Heil Family-Thinking of you all, sending much love and light.
-Betsy Wolfston
Laurie & Mike, the grace and positivity you’ve managed to show us over Mike’s long last trip has been an inspiration and gift to very many.
I always revered Mike’s humor and lightness in life.
I hope I can make it back there in time for the celebration.
Love to you both
Mc
That last day for Mike, Omroa and I felt Mike’s last light. Yesterday morning as I was chopping onions for our breakfast omelette I just couldn’t stop crying thinking of you two. You’re so fortunate to have had such an amazing relationship with such an amazing guy. We plan on coming down for the memorial service. So tight, so high, truly an inspiration the two of you.
I’m so sorry to read of Mike’s passing. We were out of town for the celebration but had you all in our thoughts. Much love to you Laurie and all of Mike’s extended family.
Sherri and Don
My name is Michael Fitzgerald, was laying in bed just bored. I just started typing in names of families that grew up in my neighborhood. When I typed Heil I came across this wonderful page. Mrs Heil was a wonderful woman who had a big job raising seven children. I was friends with Tom. My older brother Patrick was very good friends with Michael. I remember as a youngster watching them play high school basketball for St Mary’s. My brother always thought highly of Michael and would speak of him often when he was trying to figure out the right thing to do. He loved his free spirit and I know they talked occasionally throughout the years. Is a wonderful tribute you have made for him. God bless