Monday, July 10
Events continue to unfold rapidly for Laurie and me. Beer stated that he is out of practical healing options; we visited the cancer specialists at Providence in Portland and Dana Farber in Boston. We did a virtual consult with Dr. Small at UCSF. Physically, I feel worse and worse each day, even to the point where we did an 8-hour emergency room visit yesterday seeking relief from severe abdominal pains and peeing straight up blood.
The results of the consultations verified that I am in pretty bad shape, as my liver is failing. There seems to be only one viable, long shot clinical trial that may help me, which Susan and Manfred are presently running down the details. In the meantime Laurie and I have pressed each doctor for a prognosis. The sad consensus is that I only have months instead of years of quality life remaining; specifically 3 to 6 months, without treatment. Admittedly, sometimes this even feels optimistic to Laurie and me.
For now, let me say that this seems all too surreal to both of us – not sure what else to say!
One, long-shot clinical trial…
Better than nothing but certainly teensy tiny in the face of how you’re feeling and your experience in the emergency room.
All my love to you and Laurie.
We will be with you every step of the way Mike and Laurie lending a hand or a hug or love.
So a hail Mary it is. I keep praying for a miracle. You and Laurie have faced this dreadful disease as you have always lived life- with honesty, tenacity, and in communion with each other, Mother earth, family, and friends. May you continue to feel abundant blessing, amazing grace, and fierce love. Adios my friend.
God. Damn. It.
There. I said it, because I’m feeling it. And Mike, I know you appreciate honesty. It is surreal. I hate this and I hate accepting it, and I don’t understand the why of it. And I feel so helpless. I miss you and your exuberance. Mike, just know that you and Laurie are surrounded by our Love for you both, and the memories of our shared experiences bind us into a family that embraces you. Your tribe.
I have checked your harness, checked your tie-in knot. You’re on belay Mike. We’ve got you. Climb…. yer gonna crush it!
Mike I missed you at the fair. The mirror your journey presents brings me sadness, that your upbeat loving self would be burdened like this.
I wish I could make it better for you and Laurie.
Love
Doug