Wednesday, May 17
With my own sense of amazement and awe, I think I am beginning to more fully understand the horrific impact that real chemotherapy has on the human body. This new double dose regiment has really flattened me. I truly believe that now I can sympathize with the millions of people who have gone and continue to go through this daily.
Up until this morning my biggest problem has been an incessant, intense nausea. I had anti-nausea drugs but they were useless – rolled over like the huge ocean wave on your sandcastle. Laurie and I tried everything we could think of ranging from grandma’s folklore to Internet miracle cures. On Sunday night, it was so bad that the only thing I could hold onto were the “Hang in there, Mike” messages I was receiving from all of you.
After yesterday’s emergency, lengthy acupuncture session and a consult with nurse, pharmacist and oncologist leading to two new anti-nausea drugs (big guns as Laurie now refers to them) I am beginning to feel ever so slightly better – a move toward normal. During the whole time I had the Joni Mitchell song “Big Yellow Taxi” stuck in my mind. I was focused on the chorus: “Don’t it always seem to go, that you don’t know what you got till its gone” – the simple ability to eat food. I was willing to trade an even more debilitating fatigue for a stomach able to handle even the slightest bit of sustenance. I was wiped out!
The good news:
– Finally, today I feel a little better and have eaten three minuscule meals.
– I do not seem to be burden with the anxiety and panic, which I had felt so strongly after my chemotherapy sessions last summer
– I have the luxury to sleep, sleep and sleep some more whenever that crippling fatigue rears its ugly head. It is truly amazing how slow I walk, how steep the hills feel and how many ordinary citizens pass me on the bicycle.
I sure hope the tumor cells are struggling at least as hard as I am on this new, real meal deal chemotherapy.
Seeking tranquility among the BIG tress!
Yuk! Nausea has got to be one of the worst thing to deal with excluding all the other side effects of cancer! My friend Katherine also experienced something similar and did a lot of acupuncture treatments that were helpful. Also, you might try a homeopathic remedy called Tabacum that is used for motion sickness. Personally that has helped me tremendously! I have some if you’d like to give that a go. I am glad that you are beginning to feel better. Just remember…. “moderation in moderation”! I look forward to seeing you both soon! xo
When things get tough I sometimes remember the saying. What does not kill us makes us stronger
Dearest Mikie,
Yes, Joni can be correct, “you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.” And, it IS coming back , Mikie. The appetite; the beautiful feeling of eating/fueling your stellar body and soul with Laurie’s superb culinary delights; your energy; your “Heil biking legs,” (as Chris Goelz has so eloquently reminded me of)…IS ALL coming back! You’ve GOT THIS, Mikie. I have no doubt…at all.
Sleep Mikie, and sleep some more. Rest your mind, body and soul. And, as you do, “the good guys”, i.e., your army of healthy cells, are readying themselves to annihilate those “ugly cancer cells” on a surprise attack. (Perhaps you would like to meditate on this thought and/or visualize this powerful confrontation taking place with YOU being the victor…)
I just love the photo! May you always feel the POWER of Mother Earth. May you continue to find even MORE strength, comfort, perseverance and serenity in Her presence.
Remember the framed, poster picture of Arches National Monument, with the full moon illuminating one of the majestic, arched rock formations, you had gifted me/us with in June 1990? Well, I am looking at this now as I write and recall one of my absolute favorite quotes from my all-time buddy, Albert Einstein:
“Look deep into Nature and then, you will understand everything better.”
I am behind ya’, Big Bro…and will NOT stop journeying with you and your bride…
With love and a huge hug, your Big, Little Sis,
Annamarie Angela
Whoa Mike! The past weeks have been some kind of ride for you. You and Laurie have been in my thoughts daily. My sister and her husband contracted the norovirus, which lasted for 3 days. A far cry from what you are dealing with. I’m hoping the appetite returns in moderation at first, then with the same gusto of the past. Cuz, Mikie, I know how you like to eat. When I whip up some mashed potatoes at a family gathering, Tanya, Steven and I still comment on passing the bowl to Mike last. It always brings a smile to our faces. So, my friend, with eyes forward keep up the walks…it matters not how fast we go, but that we are moving.
Love you big.
Ughh…I hope the nausea passes today and that you can nourish your body with some of Laurie’s yummy cooking.
And.. If these words from friends give you strength I’ll say them too.
Hang in there, Mike!!!
I’m heading out this afternoon to do volunteer ‘comfort massage’ on folks while they are receiving chemo. It’s a very humbling experience.
Thinking of you and Laurie every day.
Deborah
Mike–
Well, I’ll say it too….”Hang in there Mike!” Thinking of the various adventures that I’ve attempted to match you on, I can confidently say that you are the strongest endurance athlete I know. Keep diggin’ deep to your power center and get through this phase of treatment. I also have great confidence in your food appetite, and look ahead to regaining it. I’m thinking of you and Laurie always.
Much Love; Joseph
Mike and Laurie- it goes up, it comes down, then, when we least expect it, and can’t do it one more fucking day….. it starts to head up. The “it” is a metaphor for whatever drives your car, floats your boat, or just life. Wow, that was pretty deep for ol’ F-word Maloney! Loved seeing Laurie last weekend…. it brought a light to my day. And may the light of this weather shine on both of you…. we love you both so much. Let us know when you are up for putting together another 200 dollar bar bill at High Street, and that doesn’t include food! Xoxo Heil! You are my mentor and my idol!!!!