Turning Inward

Saturday, May 12

The last few days continue to be extremely difficult for Laurie and me. We try to summon up the energy to crawl out of this hole, but find ourselves continually turning inward to seek the comfort of one another. We embrace, we kiss, we hug, we cry. Our feeling of sadness is far keener than that of anger.

We have spoken with some of you and have received a deluge of heartfelt, warm, touching notes to which we know not how to respond. We, too, feel the helplessness with respect to this ravaging, relentless disease. That said, your support has been fantastic and no matter what you do, it is the right thing to do! We undoubtedly, feel the LOVE.

I thought I had a good feel for dealing with the physical effects of chemotherapy. Regrettably, it is certainly more difficult this time through. Perhaps, it is due to the fact that I now am being dosed with the same Taxotere, plus a stronger cytotoxin agent, Carboplatin. Additionally the 8 doses of the glucocoriticosteriod, Dexamethasone, have its nasty effects. A viciously dragging fatigue is my main issue, but so is a nagging nausea and some minor bone pain.

Presently, I am scheduled for 4 more chemotherapy infusions spaced three weeks apart. This will take us through August 1. We are not sure if we will have a hint of this treatment’s efficacy until at least the third treatment (6/20). Thus we are reevaluating our summer plans in this light with our priority being our family reunion and Tanya’s family vacation.

In the meantime, there are some rays of HOPE, on which I will elaborate next time. Until then, thank you for everything you offer us – you mean the world!

Faking it!