Today I learned……..

Tuesday, March 14

Today I learned that the new, fancy, expensive drug (Enzalutamide) that I have been taking for 2 months is NOT working.  It simply is not able to keep those cancer cells in check as evidenced by a significant rise in PSA (from 12.2 to 20.9 in 5 weeks).  Dr. Beer said, “There is no question that your cancer is more persistent and aggressive than most……”

Both Laurie and I were devastated. I found myself staring out the 7th story window of the Cancer Clinic at OHSU into the gray drizzle and tearing up upon hearing the news. I had so hoped for a continued reprieve in doctor appointments, blood tests, body scans and most importantly, fretting over next step treatment decisions. Presently I am just plain sad – I miss a normal life!

The recommendation is to move into the domain of experimental medicine (an immunotherapy trial). That we shall do. We met with the trial coordinator and signed the consent forms this afternoon. Blood was then drawn and will have scans tomorrow to see if we qualify. Perhaps a biopsy next week?  Maybe my first infusion by month’s end?

This journey of ups and downs continues. I wonder what I will learn tomorrow or the next day. In the meantime, I recommit to living my days to the fullest, embracing each and every emotion and reveling in the joy that Laurie is always at my side.

12 thoughts on “Today I learned……..”

  1. Dear Mike – Your news socked me in the chest. There’s just no good way to spin it. It’s hard to reconcile that information with the vibrancy of your life. However, I’ve been re-reading your posts and find some measure of comfort, and even joy – in this dark hour, in your capacity for life and love. I have no doubt that that will continue and that you will continue to feel the circle of love that enfolds both of you.

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  2. this is the year of the come from behind victory’s….The Cubs …Cavaliers… Patriots….all had to reach down and do what was necessary to make it happen. Sorry to hear the news but attitude is everything .

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  5. Hi Mikey – fuck, this cancer is an asshole. But, as devastating the news is, I agree that YOU CAN DO THIS! You have so many who are with you on this journey and who love you very much. Keep on keeping on, and I hope to see you soon.

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  6. We had such a nice walk on Monday and I thank you for that. Along with you, I was so optimistic your PSA was going to drop. On Tuesday, all I could think about was your appointment and couldn’t wait to come home and read your post. I envisioned your PSA level at an 8 or less. When I finally saw it on Wednesday afternoon, I made many attempts to read out loud to Rich and failed. I started and stopped too many times. My voice would shake, my eyes would blur and my breathing would become a series of shuddering exhalations. I wasn’t sure weather I was more sad or angry. After finally making it through to its end, Rich and I sat together staring out the window in silence. I don’t know how long that was, however when we both surfaced it was dark. I collected myself and reread your post imagining I misread or misunderstood your words. The sting was still there so I thought instead about our recent conversations regarding the “now and the later”. It is now and I am sad, and in a few days I will be stronger and will once again embrace where we currently are. There are many fun things ahead to look forward to. Shared dinners, spontaneous hikes, future trips and of course all the stories you tell. You are one of my best friends and I am going to focus on that for now! I love you so much and am so happy that you have one of the best partners in the world! You two are really meant to be! Laurie, I love you too! Hang in there and lets get ready for another round! You both are the BEST!

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  7. Thanks for the update Mike even though it feels like a sucker punch. Like you, I’d rather have the truth. Funny thing about Experimental Drugs– some go out of their way to get those! Sending you and Laurie my love…

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  8. Mike, I was devastated to read your most recent posting. I hope they can move quickly on getting you into the experimental medicine program. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and Laurie as you continue to fight this horrible disease. God Bless You My Friend! Bill

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  9. Mike
    Hadn’t read your blog in about 3 weeks. Thought I’d better check in. Saying it’s not what I wanted to read is squat relative to you having to live through this. And having a GRE score in English back in 1980 that was so low I didn’t qualify for a GA position at UO continues to haunt me as I have no idea what words to use now either. In the blog you wrote before one this you mentioned that when you were 9 you wished you had stories to tell like the people who visited your house. I can tell you that I’ve probably told others more stories about you than anyone else I know and I only lived with you for what, 1.5 – 2 years. So you have certainly lived a life worthy of stories. May the storied life continue. Praying feverishly for you. bob

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  10. Its Saturday and I’m at work doing what I do and have a couple of minutes between tasks. I think, hey I haven’t check Mikes blog in a couple of days. My tear stained workbench is evidence of how I feel about your recent news. I’m finding it hard to think let alone type. (Ten minute pause) I am grateful that you have been and continue to be a big part of my story. It is evident by reading your blog that you are included many other peoples stories as well.
    I don’t know what tomorrow will bring but I find comfort in knowing that your surrounded by the best team possible both physically and emotionally and I lift “my friend Mike” up in prayer every week at bible study so you’ve got that going for you too.
    The journey continues, mucho amor
    Bolt to bolt….

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  11. Mikey,
    Your success lies in living each coming day to it’s fullest possible, be that climbing a mountain or taking a nap. By what you write on this blog I am assured you are doing just that. If we could all be so lucky to achieve this the world would be a better place. We all face an end at some point; each of us has that in common. Just when our end comes is the great mystery of life and what makes living so special. May we all be so fortunate as to realize this and to follow your example for “good living”. You’re the best. Hugs to you and Laurie. You are very special people.

    Tracy

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