Sunday, January 29
I recall the thrill and excitement in kindergarten when the teacher would break out the huge boxes filled with art supplies. Now let me be clear, I was not the most adept art student at any time in my life – heck, colors were and still are difficult for me to distinguish. However, at five years old, I loved the prospect of playfully creating. I especially loved colored construction paper paired with the endless choice of those wonderful tools – markers, crayons, pencils, pastels, scissors, erasers glue, tape and sometimes even stickers in that large, plastic, covetable art box set out for each table group. This was an innocent, joyful experience of youth for me.
On Tuesday evening past, I received a pre-dinner phone call from the UCSF researcher, Dr. Thomas Hope. He is the coordinator of the PMSA PET Scan trial in which I am participating. He called me at home to personally explain the results of both my recent scans. Mind you, this is only the second time in my life I had received a call at home from a doctor in his professional capacity!
I am not sure of the exact research study question that Dr. Hope is attempting to answer, but a direct benefit to me for my participation in the study are these super powerful specific images of my cancer (more info). Up until now I’ve had 4 traditional Bone scans. The results:
4/14: Focus of intense activity on the left pubic body.
8/29: No evidence of osseous (bony) metastatic disease.
10/31: No evidence of osseous (bony) metastatic disease.
12/15: Activity on the left pubic body.
New focus of abnormal activity in the acetabulum (hip).
Intense abnormal activity in the inferior sacrum.
The picture on the left shows the results of the fancy new PMSA PET scan.
The activity sites are:
1 -> Scapula, 2-> Ribs, 3 ->Hip,
4 & 5 ->Pelvis and 6 -> Sacrum.
Of course, I do not have the ability to interpret this data nor understand its implication for treatment. However, it seems like the cancer cells have a keen desire to set up shop in my bones. Thus, my intuition is to reach into that large, plastic, covetable art box, pull out the biggest eraser I could find and gayly expunge all those black spots…………Perhaps this would prove no evidence of disease. I’d stop my drug treatment and merrily pick up my life where I’d left off last April.
Oh the joys of the innocence of youth………………
I love that your childhood artist appeared and brought the image of a big cancer eraser! I believe that someday science will make this true. I would like to have super power laser eyes that just vanished those spots. We could also be deniers or buy into “alternative facts,” but I know that’s not how we roll. So, being mindfully present in reality is the only, and very difficult path. If it helps, our 2017 horoscope advice says: “…cultivate gratitude for all the good things coming your way. Everything that gets loving care will grow…” I like to think that means all the bad stuff will shrink. I think it’s time for Mikey to go out and buy a mess of art supplies!
On my usual walk/run today in the rain, a friend stopped to chat. She was the only other one on the trail. She said I looked deep in thought. So, I told her I was thinking of my friend Mikey. We began to walk, and I began to talk. I told her about how we met, the bike rides, the skiing, milk shakes, performing yours and Laurie’s marriage ceremony at Fawn Lake, your bike rides in Europe and all over with Laurie, buying the Kincaid house to help me with Tanya’s first year of college and your amazing parenting of my children. I continued and she listened. Before I knew it we had walked 6 miles together. When we parted she gave me a hug and said I was the
luckiest person she knew. I asked her,’how so?” She said, “You get to know him.”
Powerful………..Perhaps better than a big eraser! Thank You, Lana!
I totally get that excitement about the art box at school. I still get a thrill buying art supplies. I recently bought a whole collection of sparkly gel pens to use when I doodle and write letters.
If I could I would join you in reaching into that art box, grab the biggest eraser I could find, and help you in gayly expunging all those black spots.
Thinking healing thoughts for you all the time.
Much love to you and Laurie.