Caution & Wondering

Saturday, August 6

I awake just a little less perky, a little less full of zest, vigor and vitality. It must be the dance in which I am engaged – the dance around the post chemo crash. Over the next few days I will be employing my once-proven strategy: significantly less physical activity and the optional post chemo medication (Lorazepam). Nonetheless, yesterday was quite lethargic. Seven hours of an uninterrupted, sound nighttime sleep, followed by about four hours of daytime napping, and still I was totally dragging!

It was extremely difficult to motivate about – that relentless hanging weight was back again! Lucky I don’t have a demanding job and I do have a completely understanding, supportive wife! It is great to know that this will indeed pass in only a few days – simply lay low, yield and go with the flow. That is my plan!

In the meantime, I find myself pondering the quote: “The enemy of your enemy is your friend.” My real enemies are those pesky cancer cells and the enemy of those cells is the chemotherapy. Thus, chemotherapy must be my friend. Really? The friend, who has dragged my body down to flat-line fatigue, sapped all my living strength and brought me to my knees emotionally. S(he) is about to go away and leave me on my own to continue my fight. Am prepared for this? It feels as if I am about to leave home, start my first real job or graduate. Although, I look forward to this new chapter, I admit to being la little nervous in saying goodbye to my old friend(?). How ironic is that? Funny how that works – sometimes I wonder do we really know what we know?

As one of my favorite authors from my youth would say:
“So it goes………….”